The Weeds and the Wheat

Hey friends (those of you who still visit) sorry it’s been ridiculously long amount of time since the last post. It seems we’re much more busy that we had hoped and haven’t had the amount of time to devote to really good posts. I guess posts here may be more sporadic.  This post was written a couple of months ago, sorry for the delay in publishing it.

Do you ever have those times when you’re just bummed out? Like everything you do makes you feel like a freak. I get like this sometimes when it comes to my faith. I’m the kind of person who likes to be around all types of people. More often than not, I find myself surrounded by not just other Catholics but non-Catholics, Protestants, Atheists, Agnostics, people who have no idea what they believe… you get the idea. I’ve met people from all walks of life and have really enjoyed it.

Sometimes though I feel quite lonely because of my beliefs. This weekend was one of those times. I had just been overwhelmed by a sense of loneliness and just isolation from everyone else. I even found myself being ever so slightly jealous of those who experiment with other faiths or who don’t care because they don’t believe in God. I kept thinking that they are free to do as they pleased without guilt or fear of God’s laws or judgment. Then on the other hand I felt isolated from my Catholic family because so many of them would look down upon me for hanging out with these people who live their lives so differently from God’s plan or who do not believe the same things that we do. (Not all of them would but I feel some of them might be at least uncomfortable with it.) I’m too conservative for my non-believer friends and too liberal for my believer friends. I have no home.

I wondered about whether or not it was right to keep company with both types of people. Whether I should spend more time at Church and getting involved with that community or if I needed to spend more time away.

Then came Sunday. The Gospel for a lot of reasons really hit me as speaking to my thoughts this week about the company that I keep and just my feelings of isolation.

“The kingdom of heaven may be likened
to a man who sowed good seed in his field.
While everyone was asleep his enemy came
and sowed weeds all through the wheat, and then went off.
When the crop grew and bore fruit, the weeds appeared as well.
The slaves of the householder came to him and said,
‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field?
Where have the weeds come from?’
He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’
His slaves said to him,
‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’
He replied, ‘No, if you pull up the weeds
you might uproot the wheat along with them.
Let them grow together until harvest;
then at harvest time I will say to the harvesters,
“First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles for burning;
but gather the wheat into my barn.”’”

We’re all growing together. I’m not saying that the people who are non-believers are anyway evil. (Because I think that the weeds represent evil in our lives.) But what I am saying is that this parable put me at peace at my trying to separate out my life into neat little sections. Life isn’t about separation. It’s about being together. I can still be friends with people who are different faiths and who have different values than myself.

The other part that stuck with me is that the wheat makes it to the barn. The good that is in us is what is going to remain.

You Say Good-bye and I Say Hello

A couple disappointments today, as two friends announced that now they, too, are (one definitely, one probably) moving away. (One of which is a guy I was still *hung up on* a little…)

Sadness.

But it’s just amazing to find God in these instances. Because, you see, God speaks in disappointment (to make you realize that He’s still there), with disappointment (to protect you from things that would lead you away from Him), through disappointment (to give you strength to endure), before disappointment (to prepare you for it), after disappointment (to help you heal from it)…

People (i.e. me) perennially wonder, “Where is God in this time of trouble?”, and yet, they don’t (or can’t) open their eyes to see that He never left and that He’s already answering their prayers before they are even uttered, already working to set things aright.

I got settled in at home after these two news flashes, and found that I’ve received an e-mail and a Facebook message from two friends that I’ve just met within the past month. (And, coincidentally enough, one is a current *hang-up* of mine…) “He giveth, and He taketh away,” no?

Now, not that friends can just be replaced, because they obviously definitely cannot. But those responses were sources of comfort for me. They said that not only am I not alone because I do keep making new friends and multiplying my blessings that way, but it was just a little hug from God, letting me know that I’m okay and that there is still hope for me and a plan.

How great is that?

Standard of Living

It is possible to believe in something and still fail to live up to it.
~Dr. Wilson on “House, M.D.”

I was watching an old House rerun on TV the other day, and it was back when they were doing a whole run of shows challenging House’s atheistic/gnostic views with patients who were deeply religious. It was really well done and interesting (surprise, surprise!), I must say. This particular quote comes from House being all high and mighty because someone who was a borderline-crazy religious person was a big fat sinner… and Wilson responds with this wisdom (to which House has zero reply).

What beliefs do you fail to uphold every single day? What standards have you set for yourself based on your morals and values… which ones have you not quite reached?

The Lord, who sees in secret, knows how much I’ve failed. It’s a lot. More than anyone could/should know.

How many times do we say one thing with our lips and another with our lives? Just like the hypocrites that Jesus criticizes over and over again!

I catch myself doing this all the time!

And yet… the miracle of it all… is that HE LOVES US ANYWAY and still wants us to be his disciples!

Look at what Paul, one of the top 5 apostles, felt:

Romans 7:15-21

What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate.
Now if I do what I do not want, I concur that the law is good.
So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
For I know that good does not dwell in me, that is, in my flesh. The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not.
For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want.
Now if (I) do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
So, then, I discover the principle that when I want to do right, evil is at hand.

Talk about using the weak to show up the strong! Sheesh.

1 Cor 1:26-31

Consider your own calling, brothers and sisters.
Not many of you were wise by human standards,
not many were powerful,
not many were of noble birth.
Rather, God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise,
and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong,
and God chose the lowly and despised of the world,
those who count for nothing,
to reduce to nothing those who are something,
so that no human being might boast before God.
It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus,
who became for us wisdom from God,
as well as righteousness, sanctification, and redemption,
so that, as it is written,
“Whoever boasts, should boast in the Lord.”

I can only hope that, little by little, I can gain all these things in order to be ABLE to boast in the Lord! But first, I have to get rid of the tendency to boast about myself. And try to follow what I believe, practice what I preach and all.

And walk the walk that I talk.

Stray hearts

Sorry for the delay… I started several over the last couple days, but didn’t feel inspired to finish them until now. Which is sort of ironic, because this post that I started was about going astray… like, perhaps, in our Lenten commitments??

(The following is a portion of the Invitatory Prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours: It’s Psalm 95 and it’s said before the first Hour that you say of the day, whether that be Morning Prayer or later, like Night Prayer.)

Today, listen to the voice of the Lord:
Do not grow stubborn, as your fathers did in the wilderness,
when at Meriba and Massah they challenged me and provoked me,
Although they had seen all my works.

Forty years I endured that generation.
I said, “They are a people whose hearts go astray and they do not know my ways.”
So I swore in my anger, “They shall not enter into my rest.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but this is a scary thought, to me. Apparently, there is a point where, if you don’t listen to God and follow him faithfully, He’s just going to be like, “You know what? You don’t want to listen to Me? Fine. You’re out.”

Ahhhh!!

How many times do we start out like the Hebrews in the desert, praising God for saving us from our lives’ version of “slavery” and other terrible things, doing good things for us… Only to grow weary of all the wandering in the desert, start complaining, and, really, almost utterly forget about all those great things that God has done for us?

I’m actually afraid of being part of that ”generation” that isn’t going to get into Heaven because I go astray too often.

Right when I get all excited about my spirituality, right when I’m ready to take the next step up… I get lazy. I get bored. I get lukewarm. I even ask myself why I’m going through all of this self-denial and self-control stuff. Where is it getting me? Where am I now, with all this following of God? A freakin’ desert. That’s where I am. In a non-career, no love life, debt up to my eyeballs… you know, all these major life things that a woman at 26 should probably have a handle on, you know? My mom would have been married for 4 years already, and two years away from having me. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So there I am… complaining in the desert. Is it any wonder that I’m afraid of being one of “those” people?!

But thank God for God.

Because He does keep calling me back. He does keep accepting my apologies and embracing me like a beloved daughter. He does keep reminding me of His greatness and blessing me abundantly, though I deserve chastising and condemnation.

Like a parent pointing out a child’s mistakes, He warns me from danger by making me aware of how much like “that generation” I can be sometimes.

Of course, like a child, I promise to do better and try “never to do it again.” Even though I know that I am not strong enough (YET) to uphold that promise, being in the desert is actually making me stronger, preparing me to be able to do so.

I hope.

What Flu Season & Spirituality Have in Common

I don’t know about you but just about everyone around is getting sick. Just about everyone in my office except those with the ridiculously strong immune systems has gotten sick in the last few weeks. Most of us have taken at least one sick day. It’s that time of year. The flu bugs are out and about ready to prey on our unsuspecting and unaware bodies. If our immune systems are not up to par, then we’ll surely have some down time trying to recover.

Speaking of being sick? How’s your soul? Irishbutterfly talked about an insurance policy? What about your daily dose of Vitamin C? (Is it a coincidence that Christ starts with a C? I think not!) Are you subject to a spiritual flu virus?

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’re probably all subject to some soul sickness. I guess it’s that time of year and all.. It’s why we practice Lent. To fast and pray to build up our spiritual immune systems! Use the Catholic Weekly or your parish as a resource to find programs to strengthen your spiritual health. When you’re health is failing, we usually stay in bed and seclude ourselves from the world while we recover. Maybe it’s time for you to go on a retreat or take some extra time out to spend with God. Maybe go to Reconciliation as your regular spiritual “check up”.

It’s never fun being sick. But it builds up our immune systems. So don’t let your soul sickness become a terminal on-going illness. Let it be something that builds you up and makes your faith stronger!