You’ve Got a Friend (and Hope)

When you’re down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.You just call out my name,
And you know where ever I am
I’ll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You’ve got a friend.

This is one of my favorite James Taylor songs. (Carole King sings a good version of it too, if you’re interested.) This song encompasses a lot of stuff that’s been on my mind lately. The next 7 days are going to be pretty difficult for me. Not only is my schedule going to be pretty much grueling working both days and nights at two jobs but I have an appointment to get 4 cavities filled and have to euthanize my 6 year old cat due to health problems.

I’m sad and it will be hard and I’m sure I’ll probably break down and cry a couple of times or more. But I’ll be ok because I’ve got a Friend. I feel like God sings this song to us all the time. Saying to us constantly, “I’m here. Just call my name!”

Not only that but thankfully my family’s annual get-together will be at the end of this 7-Day hell. So I have that to look forward to. Some people would think 20 people (all mostly their family) crammed into 1 cabin on the side of a mountain would be hell. Not me. I’m looking forward to this much needed vacation and family time.

But I think that’s how we have to take the struggles in this life. When we’re in the midst of our own “hell” and everything seems to be crashing down to just look forward. Even if you don’t have a family vacation coming up or you don’t see an end in sight – you can look to the heavens and think about your eternity. I think it’s an interesting way of looking a Phillippians 3:12-14. Pressing toward a goal – Heaven and eternal basking in God’s great Presence – and putting behind all this suffering. We all have to suffer because of sin and sometimes to help purify ourselves but we can look forward to a time when all the suffering will stop.

You Say Good-bye and I Say Hello

A couple disappointments today, as two friends announced that now they, too, are (one definitely, one probably) moving away. (One of which is a guy I was still *hung up on* a little…)

Sadness.

But it’s just amazing to find God in these instances. Because, you see, God speaks in disappointment (to make you realize that He’s still there), with disappointment (to protect you from things that would lead you away from Him), through disappointment (to give you strength to endure), before disappointment (to prepare you for it), after disappointment (to help you heal from it)…

People (i.e. me) perennially wonder, “Where is God in this time of trouble?”, and yet, they don’t (or can’t) open their eyes to see that He never left and that He’s already answering their prayers before they are even uttered, already working to set things aright.

I got settled in at home after these two news flashes, and found that I’ve received an e-mail and a Facebook message from two friends that I’ve just met within the past month. (And, coincidentally enough, one is a current *hang-up* of mine…) “He giveth, and He taketh away,” no?

Now, not that friends can just be replaced, because they obviously definitely cannot. But those responses were sources of comfort for me. They said that not only am I not alone because I do keep making new friends and multiplying my blessings that way, but it was just a little hug from God, letting me know that I’m okay and that there is still hope for me and a plan.

How great is that?

Nothing I Shall Want

I want a house.  I want an iPhone. I want peace.  I want justice.  I want new bath towels.  I want to find someone who love sme. I want. I want. I want.

Today’s Responsorial Psalm  was from Psalm 23. It really hit me the line that said – Nothing Shall I Want.  I really can’t say that there is nothing that I want. This week has been so full of me wanting.  Just thinking about all the things I want that I don’t have.  So today at Mass I brought those things with me to lay down in front of Jesus.  After Communion reflection I kept hearing God kinda whisper to me, “I know your needs.”

It’s ok to have wants.  God knows them.  As the band played Somewhere in the Middle, I thought about how much my wants get in the way of what God wants.  God knows what I need.  That’s His priority.  In the end, we’re going to get what we need.   I hope that eventually I’ll get to the point where I am satisfied always in what God gives me.  When I can say there is nothing I shall want.  Until then, it’s a struggle and that’s ok. I just have to remind myself that God’s grace is enough.

Stray hearts

Sorry for the delay… I started several over the last couple days, but didn’t feel inspired to finish them until now. Which is sort of ironic, because this post that I started was about going astray… like, perhaps, in our Lenten commitments??

(The following is a portion of the Invitatory Prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours: It’s Psalm 95 and it’s said before the first Hour that you say of the day, whether that be Morning Prayer or later, like Night Prayer.)

Today, listen to the voice of the Lord:
Do not grow stubborn, as your fathers did in the wilderness,
when at Meriba and Massah they challenged me and provoked me,
Although they had seen all my works.

Forty years I endured that generation.
I said, “They are a people whose hearts go astray and they do not know my ways.”
So I swore in my anger, “They shall not enter into my rest.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but this is a scary thought, to me. Apparently, there is a point where, if you don’t listen to God and follow him faithfully, He’s just going to be like, “You know what? You don’t want to listen to Me? Fine. You’re out.”

Ahhhh!!

How many times do we start out like the Hebrews in the desert, praising God for saving us from our lives’ version of “slavery” and other terrible things, doing good things for us… Only to grow weary of all the wandering in the desert, start complaining, and, really, almost utterly forget about all those great things that God has done for us?

I’m actually afraid of being part of that ”generation” that isn’t going to get into Heaven because I go astray too often.

Right when I get all excited about my spirituality, right when I’m ready to take the next step up… I get lazy. I get bored. I get lukewarm. I even ask myself why I’m going through all of this self-denial and self-control stuff. Where is it getting me? Where am I now, with all this following of God? A freakin’ desert. That’s where I am. In a non-career, no love life, debt up to my eyeballs… you know, all these major life things that a woman at 26 should probably have a handle on, you know? My mom would have been married for 4 years already, and two years away from having me. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So there I am… complaining in the desert. Is it any wonder that I’m afraid of being one of “those” people?!

But thank God for God.

Because He does keep calling me back. He does keep accepting my apologies and embracing me like a beloved daughter. He does keep reminding me of His greatness and blessing me abundantly, though I deserve chastising and condemnation.

Like a parent pointing out a child’s mistakes, He warns me from danger by making me aware of how much like “that generation” I can be sometimes.

Of course, like a child, I promise to do better and try “never to do it again.” Even though I know that I am not strong enough (YET) to uphold that promise, being in the desert is actually making me stronger, preparing me to be able to do so.

I hope.

Follow the Star! Searching for Jesus During Advent

I originally posted this on another blog but thought it fit nicely here.

There are so many distractions in this world! I feel like I’ve got about a arms full of them stacked up so high that I can’t see around them. I’m not sure what I’m doing or where I’m going. It’s so interesting, I noticed the otherday that in my journal that I keep – yes I still keep a diary – that I write in every so often and it’s usually addressed to God… I doodle. I have all these pictures of stars all over the place. It was interesting because I just draw them while I’m thinking of what I want to write down next and never noticed it until now.

What’s even more interesting is that it’s Christmas time. Jesus was found by people because of a star.

Additionally (hahaa) Jesus is referred to in Joy in our Weakness by Marva Dawn as the Morning Star. I believe there is a scripture as well that references him as this but I can’t remember right now.

Not only THAT, but today I decided that I was going to start this little thing that I sort of stole from my Parish Library where I used to live. (I didn’t really steal it but I ask the parish librarian if I could borrow it and that was 3 years ago. ) But today I looked at the first entry and the bible verse is:

You must shine among them like stars lighting up the sky, as you offer them the message of life. (Phil 2:15-16)

So I am overloaded with tons of symbolism and mystical signs all in the image of a star.

Can I just say that I love God.

I mean, how freakin cool? I’m wandering around, day by day, not sure of what I’m doing with my life. Not sure of what God wants with me. Not sure of really, well, anything. I’m frustrated by my job, I’m confused as to how my job helps further God’s Kingdom, I feel so completely and utterly distracted…. I’m lost.

The beauty of it is that like the wise men, I know who I’m looking for. I may not know how to get there or how far it is.. But I know who I’m looking for. I’m looking for the KING. And guess what? I’ve got a Star to guide me. How great it would be if I had a star in the sky to follow – although… I’m not sure how I would follow a star literally. I guess just keep driving in one direction. But I’ve got a star to follow. Jesus. He’s the hope before the break of dawn. The morning star.

But then in Phillipians, this verse, I am supposed to shine too?

Ok, so I’m here lost but I’m supposed to shine too? I’m supposed to be a leader? Uh… ok. So, how?

The study or reflection attached to the verse talks about Mother Teresa and how she cared for the abandoned children of Calcutta. She inspired people to join, she shone and offered the message of life to people. How do I offer people the message of life? How do I shine?

Do I shine now? Do people know? I can be so timid in offering my thoughts and the Truth. I guess I’m afraid of coming off as judgmental. People are so incredibly defensive (and can be judgemental) when it comes to Catholics and Christians in general. How do I inspire people to follow the star, to join me in my journey?

I really don’t know. I do know that I have so many distractions. I have so many online ventures that I’ve begun that I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know what the purpose of it all is anymore. I feel like I spend all this time online, networking and talking with people and for what? To prove to them that I am smart? That I know things about marketing? Or maybe I just have genuinely gathered a group of people around me because I shine? I’m not trying to build myself up here or tear myself down. I honestly don’t know. I can’t say my intentions are always pure. I don’t always write my professional blog for the pursuit of Truth. Sometimes I write something because I know that it will get traffic or because I know that people will think I know what I’m doing. There is definitely a desire to prove myself. Which I don’t think is necessarily bad but it isn’t good either. Why do I have to prove myself to strangers? Why do I feel the need to make myself an online or virtual celebrity if you will… Or is it just part of shining? Am I still offering the message of life?

I really think it’s an ongoing process. I don’t think these things ever just magically fall into place and we just know. Not til we actually are physically and spiritually in the heavens with Jesus. I think I’ll be asking myself this question and ones like it and relating to it for the rest of my earthly days. The challenge is to keep asking them. To keep seeking out how to shine among them and light up the sky! How to offer the message of life?

More than anything I want to be faithful to GOD. Cause he is my star.